


Better (Not) Alone

by padfootagain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 14:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: Your family is giving you a hard time, but Sirius is here to help.





	Better (Not) Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Reader comforted by Sirius. Fluff. I hope you all like it :)

It was one of those days again. The sky matched your mood : grey, rainy, sad…

You heaved a sigh, pushing the parchments next to you aside. Your mind was too worried to study anyway.

No letter for your birthday. It was usual, you reckoned that you should have been used to it by now, but no matter for how long this had been happening, you couldn’t help yourself to wake up with hope filling your heart in the morning. Hurrying to get prepared and waiting during the whole breakfast for the owls to fly through the Great Hall, carrying both newspapers and letters…

But there was never anything for you.

No gifts, not even a card…

You heaved a sigh again. You couldn’t understand what was wrong with you. You tried to fit. You worked to have good grades, you tried to be what your parents expected from you. But they never seemed to notice. Perhaps it was never enough for them…

Perhaps you were not good enough. But you tried so hard, always failing, as it would seem. It felt like fighting against the wind, struggling against a ghostly enemy you couldn’t grab but that kept on knocking you down. And you were tired of falling to the ground. You wanted to reach the sky for once.

But it seemed that the miracle would not happen this year either.

You sniffed, realizing that you were crying. You thanked yourself for choosing this empty corridor to try to work on your essay peacefully. At least, no one could see you like this.

Or well… until now…

“Y/N?”

You lifted your head, looking up at Sirius as the Gryffindor boy stood a few feet away from you, a frown of worry wrinkling his features.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, taking a few steps towards you.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” you replied, drying your cheeks in a hurry upon the sleeves of your sweater.

“Right… you’re fine. That’s why you’re crying, right?” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Come on. You can tell me. I’ll try to help. And if it’s because of some stupid guy, I’ll punch him in the face. For free. We’re friends, so no fee for you.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, and Sirius smiled at the sound.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again, but you brushed his remark away.

“It’s nothing, Sirius. Really… I don’t know why I’m upset about that, it’s nothing.”

He sat down on the floor with you, leaning against the cold wall, his grey eyes still fixed upon your face, trying to pierce this armour you had put on to defend your thoughts and heart.

“I can’t have you crying like that though,” he argued. “Especially for your birthday!”

He saw more tears appear in your eyes at the mention of the date, and he narrowed his eyes.

“It has something to do with your birthday, right?”

You shrugged, avoiding to answer. Even if you had been willing to reply, your throat was too tight anyway…

“What happened?”

A tear escaped your eye once more, but before you could turn away to hide your sorrow, Sirius had brushed it away with his thumb.

“Come here, you need a hug,” he smiled.

He gently wrapped his arm around you, and you let him pull you close to him, your head resting against his shoulder. Your hand came resting on his chest, and closed into a fist around his white shirt on its own accord.

“Don’t be sad,” he admonished, holding your shaking hand in his large one. “What’s wrong?”

You sniffed.

“I thought that Remus was the best listener,” you tried to joke, and you managed to bring a small smile to Sirius’s lips.

“I’m not that bad either, actually. I’m not the most talkative though.”

“I thought you were!”

“Not when it comes to serious matters.”

You nodded slowly.

“But I’m all ears,” he broke the silence that had settled between the two of you and was slowly tearing the two of you apart, pulling you away, building walls between you and him.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, thinking this through as your brain worked at full speed.

You knew that Sirius had run away from his parents’ home. Perhaps… perhaps he could understand what you were going through. Perhaps he could tell you what was wrong with yourself.

“My family didn’t send me anything for my birthday.”

He looked down at you with a neutral expression. An expression too neutral to mean a lack of feelings, but on the contrary, showing how much your words were echoing through him and brought back so many terrible memories.

“I… I should be used to it, because after all… they never do. But it still hurts, no matter for how many years this game has been on, we’ve been playing over and over again…”

You looked up at him. You seemed so lost… as if nothing in your world made sense, no pieces fitting anymore. It seemed that someone had stamped on all those columns upon which you had built your world, destroying all your standards to a normal life. And now you were left blinking in the dark, not knowing what to do.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you went on, tearing your eyes away from his grey stare. “I’m trying so hard to be good enough for them but it looks like… no matter what I do… I can never reach their expectations. I keep on failing them and I… I don’t know what to do anymore. What’s wrong with me, Sirius? What do I have to change? To improve? I don’t want to give up, but it’s so hard… I’m starting to think… perhaps I would be better off all alone. Perhaps it would be better for me to be on my own.”

You waited for Sirius to answer, to advise you, to tell you about all those things you needed to fix in yourself to be better, to be worthy of your family’s love. You waited for him to speak about your flaws, but he closed his calloused fingers on your chin in a tender hold instead, forcing your eyes to meet his once more. And in his stare, you could read that when he looked at you, he didn’t see flaws. He saw _you_. He saw the unique gem that you really were.

His gaze was soft and full of understanding. Indeed, he had felt the same for so long… searching for a way to fit into a family that wasn’t built for him. It had taken him years to understand the truth. It had taken his journey to Hogwarts, the meeting with his three best friends, and years of friendship to understand, at last. He guessed that it was time to show you the truth.

“Y/N, there is nothing wrong with you,” he said slowly, taking his time to let the words sink in, almost as if he explained something to a little child. “You don’t have to change anything. You shouldn’t.”

You frowned, but Sirius went on, his fingers slipping up from your chin to your cheek.

“The problem comes from them, not from you.”

“How can you know? Perhaps I’m just not good enough…”

“You are!” he interrupted you, and there was such determination ablaze in his eyes that you couldn’t find any argument to contradict him. “You are wonderful. You are wonderful, because you are _you_. With your flaws, and your wonderful weirdness, and your ups and downs, and your strengths and your weaknesses and your qualities… You are unique, because you are _you_ , and instead of being willing to change to fit into the mold they’ve created to reach ‘normality’, you should cherish these differences, Y/N. These singularities are what make you interesting, and happy. That’s the most important thing here! You will not be happy if you try to play an act and be someone who is not you. If your family isn’t clever enough to see how lucky they are to have you, then it’s their problem. Don’t try to change to earn their love. You don’t have to earn it. It should be willingly given. The love coming from your family should be infinite and spontaneous. If they can’t see that, then it means that they are the ones who have a serious problem. You’re wonderful, Y/N. Don’t try to change for others to love you. The only person who needs to love the person you are is yourself.”

He gave you a tender smile, pausing to give you some time to digest his words, identify the meaning of his speech, and let all these information sink in.

“You really think that?” you asked after a rather long while, your voice just a shaking whisper. “You really think that I’m 'wonderful’?”

Sirius smiled, nodding.

“Yeah, I think you’re wonderful, Y/N. Don’t change. Don’t try to make them love you. They are the ones who have a problem, not the other way around. I’m sorry that this happens to you. I know how it feels. To be rejected, to try so hard to be good enough but somehow always failing, to be ignored and pushed away. I know how it feels, I’ve been through that too. Don’t let them pull you down, Y/N. They will keep you crawling onto the ground, acting like a heavy anchor when you could fly so high. You have to understand that they are the ones who are wrong, but there are people who love you. Me, James, Lily, Remus… and all the rest of your friends here. We love you, for who you are. Who you truly are, and… I’m not going to pretend that this kind of love can replace the love your parents were supposed to give you, because it won’t. But it can be enough. It can be enough, Y/N, I promise. And then, you could finally be yourself, you could be free to be whoever you are. And I think that’s the most important thing, really.”

He paused again, his grey eyes soft and tender, a small smile grazing his lips.

“Do you believe me?”

You nodded slowly, and his smile widened.

“Good. Now, come here, you need a hug,” he chuckled, tightening his hold on you and letting your head fall onto his shoulder again. “You can’t be sad for your birthday, I can’t have that.”

You smiled.

“Thank you, Sirius,” you whispered. “Thank you. You’re right, I know you are. But it’s hard, isn’t it? To be yourself. To stop people from changing you.”

He nodded.

“Yeah, it’s harder than to comply, and yield. It’s harder to fight back than to give up. But it’s worth the fight. It’s harder to be yourself than to pretend to be like everybody else, but you’ll see… one day you’ll realize that there is no way to be happy as long as you pretend to be someone that you’re not.”

You nodded, reaching for his hand, and he reassuringly held your fingers in his. You closed your eyes, relaxing, letting his warmth run through your body, easing your mind.

“And you’re wrong, Y/N,” he said after a long silence.

You looked up at him as he fell silent again, silently inviting him to continue. He smiled.

“You’re not alone. You will never be.”


End file.
